A few years ago, I was sitting across the table from a senior business leader who had asked me to help understand why a product was not gaining traction.
The team had already done the usual things. They had analysed the numbers, studied competitors, surveyed customers and created several hypotheses.
Then we met a few customers. One of them said something that made the room uncomfortable. “I don’t think your product is solving my problem.” The team immediately started explaining.But we stopped them. “Don’t answer her yet. Let her finish.” What followed was far more valuable than the first statement.
She explained what she was actually trying to accomplish, the compromises she was making today and why the product, despite having all the features the team believed customers wanted, didn’t fit naturally into her life.
The problem was not that the product was bad. The problem was that the organisation had been listening to respond, not listening to understand.
That distinction has stayed with me.
We hear far more than we listen
We spend much of our professional lives surrounded by conversations.
Meetings. Reviews. Town halls. Customer calls. Employee surveys. WhatsApp messages. Presentations. Feedback sessions. And yet, genuine listening is surprisingly rare.
We hear a sentence and start preparing our response. Someone raises a concern and we formulate a counterargument. An employee offers an idea and we immediately evaluate it. A customer complains and our mind jumps to the solution. Sometimes we are not even waiting for the other person to finish. We are waiting for our turn.
This is especially true in leadership. Leaders are rewarded for having answers. Over time, the ability to respond quickly can become so deeply associated with competence that pausing to listen can feel like a loss of authority. But listening is not the absence of leadership. It is often what makes good leadership possible.
“Tell me more” can be more powerful than “Here’s what we should do”
One of the simplest techniques I have learned through years of qualitative research is also one of the hardest to practice: resist the urge to solve. Imagine an employee walks into your office and says, “The new process isn’t working.” The instinctive response might be:
“We designed it after speaking to the team.”
Or:
“Give it another couple of weeks.”
Or:
“What exactly is the problem?”
All three responses can close the conversation.
Try instead:
“Tell me more.”
That small invitation can change everything.
The employee might reveal that the process itself is not the problem. Perhaps two teams interpret it differently. Perhaps a critical step is taking three times longer than expected. Perhaps people are afraid to flag an issue because they think it reflects badly on them. The first statement was only the door. Listening keeps the door open long enough to discover what is behind it.
Listen for the story underneath the answer
In user research, we are trained to listen beyond the literal answer. A person might say, “I don’t use online banking.” If we stop there, we have a statement. If we ask why, we may discover that they actually use it regularly, but only through a family member’s phone because they don’t trust themselves to make a financial mistake. Now we have a story. And stories contain context. Context contains motivation. Motivation can reveal opportunity.
This is why good listening is not simply about asking more questions. It is about knowing which question to ask next.
Sometimes the most useful question is “Why?” Sometimes it is “Can you tell me about the last time that happened?” Sometimes it is “What did you do then?” And sometimes it is simply silence.
The uncomfortable power of silence
Silence makes many of us uncomfortable. In a meeting, someone finishes speaking and there is a two-second pause. Someone usually jumps in.
User Researchers learn to resist that impulse.
Because people often continue talking.
The first answer may be rehearsed. The second may be what they think is expected. The third may finally be what they actually feel. I have seen this repeatedly in user interviews.
A participant answers a question.
There is a pause. Instead of filling it, we wait. Then comes: “Actually, there is one more thing…” That “one more thing” is often where the real insight begins.
Leaders can use the same technique. The next time someone gives you an answer, try waiting two or three seconds before responding. It may feel awkward. It can also be remarkably revealing.
Listen for contradictions
One of the most interesting things about people is that we are not always consistent. Someone may say, “Price is the most important factor,” and then choose the more expensive option. An employee may say, “I’m comfortable with the new system,” while quietly continuing to use the old one. A customer may say, “I want more choices,” while becoming overwhelmed when presented with them. These contradictions are not necessarily problems to eliminate. They are clues. The instinct to resolve contradictions quickly can cause us to miss what they are telling us.
Instead of saying, “But you just said price was important,” ask:
“You chose the more expensive option. What made you choose that one?”
Now you are listening to the decision, not just the declaration.
The leader’s greatest listening challenge: their own assumptions
The hardest thing to leave outside a conversation is often not our phone. It is our assumption. We enter a customer meeting already knowing what the problem is. We enter an employee conversation already knowing why performance has dropped. We enter a strategy discussion already knowing which direction we want the organisation to take. Then we listen selectively. We hear evidence that confirms us and overlook what challenges us. This is where the discipline of research offers an important lesson: begin with curiosity, not certainty. A useful question before any important conversation is: What if my understanding of this situation is incomplete? That one question creates space for learning.
Who should leaders listen to?
The obvious answer is customers. But leaders need a much wider listening system. Listen to the customer who stopped buying. Listen to the employee who rarely speaks in meetings. Listen to the salesperson who keeps hearing the same objection. Listen to the customer-support executive who sees recurring problems before they appear on a dashboard. Listen to the person who is using your product differently from how you intended. Listen to the person who chose your competitor. And listen especially to the people who disagree with you. Agreement is comfortable. Disagreement contains information.
Listening is not always about action
There is another misconception worth challenging. We often believe that if someone tells us a problem, we must immediately fix it. Sometimes that is appropriate. But sometimes people need to be heard before they need a solution. A leader who responds to every concern with an action item can unintentionally teach people to stop sharing concerns. The message becomes: If I tell you something, you will immediately do something about it.
But listening can have another outcome:
“I understand what you’re saying. I don’t have an answer yet, but I want to think about it.”
That is not inaction. It is thoughtful leadership.
Listening is a practice, not a personality trait
Some people are naturally curious. Others are naturally quick thinkers and problem solvers. But listening well is not something we should leave to personality. It can be practised. In your next meeting, speak last. In your next customer conversation, ask one more question before offering a solution. When someone disagrees with you, resist explaining yourself immediately. When someone gives you an answer, ask, “What makes you say that?” And when the conversation becomes uncomfortable, don’t rush to make it comfortable. Stay with it. Because sometimes the most valuable thing a leader can hear is the thing nobody was initially willing to say.
Listen to understand, not to reply
We often talk about communication as if its most important skill is speaking clearly. I increasingly believe we need to put equal and perhaps greater emphasis on the other side. Listening is how we discover what we do not know. It is how leaders stay connected to reality when organisations become large, complex and insulated. It is how businesses notice change before it becomes disruption. And it is how people feel that their experience matters. The next time someone is speaking to you, notice what your mind is doing.
Are you listening?
Or are you composing your reply?
There is a profound difference between the two. The first creates understanding. And understanding, before action, may be one of the most underrated leadership advantages we have.
(Views are personal)
